claustrophobic
by a beautiful catastrophe
Summary: all the walls start to crash down on you, and your breathing ceases to exist for quite a while now. it's as if you're trapped in a small box filled with deadly spiders weaving their silken threads around and around you and you hate it - you hate spiders and you're claustrophobic. you're choking you're paralysed you're weak you're insecure and oh god- no no, this has to be a joke.


**this is for the greek mythology competition and the hpfc forum :)**

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cedric.

cedric.

no- no he can't be dead. no. never. he can't be. he said he would make it. he promised. he promised. _promisedpromisedpromised._

and he broke that promise.

all the walls start to crash down on you, and your breathing ceases to exist for quite a while now. it's as if you're trapped in a small box filled with deadly spiders weaving their silken threads around your legs, your waist, your stomach, your neck (you hate spiders and you're claustrophobic)._ you're choking you're paralysed you're weak you're insecure and oh god- no no no, this is a joke._

it has to be.

but that sinking pit (that goes down to the depths of tartarus) in your stomach tells you it's no nightmare, it's real. every other sense of yours apart from your torn, barely pulsing heart agrees.

you raise hand to wipe away the oceans storming heavily from your eyes and exhale slowly slowly slowly _just maybe if you stop breathing for long enough you'll be able to join him and-_

no.

you have to stop yourself.

he wouldn't have wanted you to do this.

thoughts flutter like moths (butterflies are too perfect, too graceful) in and out of your head, and your conscience absentmindedly comments on them as if you are absolutely nothing, as if you are dirt - the kind of dirt that stays underneath your fingernails for weeks. it goes something like this-

you were perfect.

**but you're not anymore, honey.**

you used to be more brilliant than all the stars and constellations in the night sky combined.

**but you're not anymore, honey.**

you used to be absolutely goregous, like a princess from a fairytale- no rather a china doll with your porcelain complexion and raven black hair.

**but you're not anymore, honey. **and you'll never be again. if you were a china doll, you'd be a broken china doll, smashed to tiny pieces the sizes of specks of dust. if you were a princess from a fairytale, you would have died under the wicked queen's wrath.

but luckily, you're not.

but ever still, from now onwards, you'll always be broken. _brokenbrokenbroken._

smashed.

torn.

without cedric, you're incomplete.

pick up the pieces, sweetheart, you're supposed to be a wise, young lady, but you're not really wise, are you?

you're not wise like-

like athena.

like minerva.

like diana.

like artemis.

like rowena ravenclaw, the founder of your house.

you don't deserve to be a ravenclaw, honey, you're such a disgrace. you're not wise, you're just foolish little girl trying to convince herself that she knows absolutely everything. you're not witty, you've only got a sharp tongue that spits out insults like venom. you know you're not original in any way, the story of your life is just tragic, such a cliché.

your fall from stardom hurt so much, didn't it, dearie?

it did.

but you can rise back up again.

you can rise back up again if you have the famous harry potter wrapped around your finger. you can rise back up to stardom if you have harry potter, you can be the perfect girl again - there can be cho chang and harry potter, the golden couple.

your heart still longs for cedric, though.

no.

ignore the panging in your heart. if you want to get back up to the a-listers, you have to ignore it.

but you love cedric, remember when he-

no.

honey, get a move on, cedric's dead and-

_stop it, _you want to scream at those arguing voices inside of you, your brain and your heart, _stop it, I'm going to become insane, my body is like my own personal asylum, stop, stop, stop!_

and that's only when you realize how screwed up you are.

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**did you like it? love it? hate it?**

**please tell me in a review :)**

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